Ok, I’ve been struggling and by the way, who isn’t these days. I’ve sat down to write on several occasions and have come up with nothing. Oh, there are topics that I think are interesting that when I re-read appear shallow, vapid, and entitled. Who wants to hear the apparent struggles of a white, middle (ok, older) aged woman, well retired living beachside? See, doesn’t make sense. I’m thinking my thoughts would make better copy as no public journal entries.
I decided that it’s time to start the digital shutdown process. This site started to document my journeys, navigate the world while learning about the world and myself. It has been a great experience, showcasing the challenges and sheer happiness of exploring the world one country at time. Then life started to take over, all positive. I met someone extraordinary, and we continued to charter new territory together. I cut ties with corporate life and gradually started to fall off the map. I studied yoga. I practiced yoga. I even have a few classes online too. I learned how to meditate. I stopped wearing high heeled shoes and dying my hair. I felt free!
Then I got sick.
Initially I thought, it was because I slowed way down only to find that the leading culprit may have been decades of relentless deadline induced stress. Then my partner got sick, much sicker than me, chemo and surgery sick. And for the first time in my life: I was afraid. When the world shut down, we were in the throngs of hospital stays, doc visits and tests- lots of tests. The pandemic provided the perfect veil for confinement, sleep and healing. We both needed to physically heal. My stomach got better; he got more chemo.
Due to the lockdowns, we did get excellent healthcare support. People weren’t doing maintenance health checks; people were terrified about the virus. We were still permitted to get medical care and we did: oncologists, neurosurgeons, cardiologists, gastroenterologists, transplant specialists. Needless to say, our vocabularies have expanded. We embarked on a journey of another kind. This one didn’t warn of the pitfalls of what to order in a Portuguese café (I always go for sardines), it was grim. It was sad and it initially appeared quite final. Cancer isn’t on anyone’s bucket list!
It appears that we’re on a different type of journey now
We got good test results last week: No Residual Disease (NRD). NRD is what every blood cancer patient wants. Certain types of blood cancers are insidious; they ebb and flow yet never go away. NRD is how we know it’s ebbed. It’s never forever, but it is for now. And for that we celebrate. The wish is that the ebb can get us to the next level disease breakthrough. And that’s what we’re going to do. Live life, try to live it as fully and we can. Maybe there will be more interesting things to write about again.
Thanks!